... Caldonia
Hi, I'm an Alabama girl who will be talking about my love and matters of the heart. I was told that this magazine goes everywhere and that my ideas may offend some people. But y'all have a chance to talk back to me. Just say that this message is to Caldonia!

I was really thrown back last week. This friend I had known, or thought I knew, for a few years, threw me off my seat. We were in the night club trying to find a man who made sense. There ain't too many of those around, I assure you.

Well, we were laughing and talking girl-talk, when she said to me that she would like to try me. I looked at her to see how serious she was. She looked as serious as a major heart attack. Like, seriously begging a man when you haven't had one in a year. I said to her: "Know me, how?" And she came back at me and said: "You know." And I said: "I know what?"

I couldn't believe my eyes and ears. She was propositioning me, her friend; me a solidly man's woman; me, somebody who ain't never ever thought of sleeping with another woman!

I asked her: "What would make you think that I would ever consider a woman? Have I ever looked at another woman that way? Have I ever looked at you that way? What makes you think that something like that from you or another woman would please me?"

I was so disgusted with her, I just didn't know what to think. She said to me: "I could please you more than you think." I said to her: "That's for sure, more than I think. I wouldn't even think of letting a woman touch me that way. I'm from Alabama, girl. I thought you were a friend. Why would I be so desparate for sex as to go with a woman? You don't have the equipment I need to do what I am accustomed to doing and want done!" She put on with some serious begging and a line that beats the best male lines I have ever heard. But it will take more than a line to take me down that road. I just couldn't live with myself if I did something like that.

I know that lots of women, good looking women as my ex-friend is, are turning in on each other, but that ain't me. That ain't never ever gonna be me, if I can help it. Hard bodies complementing soft bodies is what I think is right. I ain't in for no mind changes. I would have to be drugged out--totally out and asleep--to go there! But when I woke up I would cry RAPE!

We got some strange things going on in this Bay Area. But those strange things ain't gonna happen to me. I am a Alabama girl! I think Alabama thoughts about women with men--that's the way it should be. You've heard it: God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. Or in this case, not Eve and Eva.

I am sorry if I offend some of you sisters out there that have gone the other way, but I like men; they are no good at times, but if I had to get on my knees and do some serious, serious begging, I would go there before I would allow and woman with her artifical stuff to touch me. Why buy some foolishness when that comes naturally with a man?

Excuse me; I may be dense, but that makes no sense!

That's the Alabama scope of me. I'm just an old-fashioned girl from Alabama who likes my men to be men and my sisters to be friends. And never bed partners.